I’ve wanted to write yet I’ve been waiting. For what, I’m not quite sure. All words elude me save one – faith. Faith that God orders the ambiguous, faith that prayer and fasting matter, faith in the Greatest Good, faith that God be manifested through Josiah’s healing. What follows is not intended to be prescriptive. It is but an attempt to paint a picture. To borrow a Pauline phrase, it describes this point in my transformation ‘from glory to glory' (2 Cor 3:18).
__________________
Two weeks ago today we heard the word, "postpone". Isn't it amazing how faith changes your immediate response?
One parent said, "Great, lets go for pancakes!"
The other said, "You've got to be kidding me."
I hate breakfast.
I'd gotten geared up for the event - we were plodding through no matter what. In my mind and heart, God had His chance for the miraculous - now He's just going to have to work through the mundane. After all, don't these people realize that our four children are germ depositories? The chances of Josiah not having some manner of sinus infection is on par with the chances of his skull piece healing - not probable.
Yes, although I'm learning there is still much to learn.
After the postponement someone said, “God heals in many ways; sometimes miraculously, sometimes through procedures, medicines, and doctors”.
My soul felt a twinge. These words sounded all too familiar; in another life they would’ve felt acceptable and grounded, even faithful to reality. Those days were primarily dominated by faithlessness. Enslaved by fear and sloth I was locked within the material world. Certainly there were flashes of expectation but my overall approach to the life of faith was far too predictable: use the five senses, calculate the percentages, set realistic expectations, and claim, “Thy will be done.”
My fear feasted on probability, poisoning any hope in the Possibility.
“Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Hope, impassioned perseverance, and submission - irreducible components of praying the divine will. Admittedly, there were seasons when ‘thy will be done’ was a bunker in which to hide rather than a springboard from which to leap.
Mind you, these are two radically different word pictures.
One speaks of possibility, but is entombed in doubt. Intoxicated on perceptions of control, it remains insulated in fear. It hides behind a veneer of hope when in reality anxiety and anger swell. In distant, longing tones it references a King’s power, leading her into that which only the eye sees. It repeatedly prays yet meagerly expects. Fatalistic in spirit, it refuses to listen. It will not press in. Void of the Spirit it cannot bear the weight of ambiguity, the risk of investment, the pain of loss, or the humility of submission.
The other yearns for the kingdom, it hungrily fasts for righteousness. It holds back nothing, pressing into the divine will with both integrity and brutal honesty. It boldly seeks the miraculous, interpreting the ebb and flow not with fanciful imaginings but with deep yearning for the Greatest Good. It seeks to listen and to be heard, to suffer and celebrate. It knows of submission. Though darkness surround, it echoes the chorus of the imprisoned apostle.
One will always retreat; the other will always fall forward.
The Word of Faith movement has had an odd bedfellow – me. Certainly we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I see little difference in that both have distorted the principles of faith. One alters orthodoxy, the other orthopraxy - yet both misrepresent the faith once for all handed down to the saints. Yes this was an overstatement, but the point stands: whether by spoken word or daily action, we need to carefully reflect upon our journey into faith.
Why was Josiah’s surgery postponed? I’m not sure, but one very probable reason might be that I learn to pray. I’ll confess. I’ve been saddened and tearful at the prospects facing Josiah. I’ve prayed daily for healing, but inwardly I’ve been entertaining doubt, figuring probability, and expecting God to work in minimal fashion. In effect, I’ve been secretly expecting the worst in order to be pleasantly surprisedbyanything else.
I haven’t been pressing into the divine will. Deliberate and sustained activity has been sporadic. I hadn't been fasting for God’s voice and direction regarding Josiah's healing. I hadn't been listening. I hadn't been disciplined to envision the radical, on and on it goes – my flesh dictating the possibilities that my spirit hopes to be true. All in all, my expression of faith during this season has been rather paltry. Heck, I didn’t even request a CT scan before the scheduled surgery just to see if something had changed.
Yes, I’m in the middle of learning a few things.
May God grant the faith to hope in His will rather than hide behind it. May God give me the courage to expect bold movements, to seek His power, and to submit to His goodness. As tears fall, God grant me the faith to see.
Grace and Peace.
The following are central passages that continue to be encoruaging, maddening, and all in all a comfort: Romans 5:1-8; Psalm 77:3-10; Matthew 5:6; Philippians 3:7-16; Luke 18:1-8; 2 Samuel 12:15-23; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10; I John 3:21-22; John 14:13-15; James 5:13-20; Matthew 26:36-46.
__________________
Two weeks ago today we heard the word, "postpone". Isn't it amazing how faith changes your immediate response?
One parent said, "Great, lets go for pancakes!"
The other said, "You've got to be kidding me."
I hate breakfast.
I'd gotten geared up for the event - we were plodding through no matter what. In my mind and heart, God had His chance for the miraculous - now He's just going to have to work through the mundane. After all, don't these people realize that our four children are germ depositories? The chances of Josiah not having some manner of sinus infection is on par with the chances of his skull piece healing - not probable.
Yes, although I'm learning there is still much to learn.
After the postponement someone said, “God heals in many ways; sometimes miraculously, sometimes through procedures, medicines, and doctors”.
My soul felt a twinge. These words sounded all too familiar; in another life they would’ve felt acceptable and grounded, even faithful to reality. Those days were primarily dominated by faithlessness. Enslaved by fear and sloth I was locked within the material world. Certainly there were flashes of expectation but my overall approach to the life of faith was far too predictable: use the five senses, calculate the percentages, set realistic expectations, and claim, “Thy will be done.”
My fear feasted on probability, poisoning any hope in the Possibility.
“Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Hope, impassioned perseverance, and submission - irreducible components of praying the divine will. Admittedly, there were seasons when ‘thy will be done’ was a bunker in which to hide rather than a springboard from which to leap.
Mind you, these are two radically different word pictures.
One speaks of possibility, but is entombed in doubt. Intoxicated on perceptions of control, it remains insulated in fear. It hides behind a veneer of hope when in reality anxiety and anger swell. In distant, longing tones it references a King’s power, leading her into that which only the eye sees. It repeatedly prays yet meagerly expects. Fatalistic in spirit, it refuses to listen. It will not press in. Void of the Spirit it cannot bear the weight of ambiguity, the risk of investment, the pain of loss, or the humility of submission.
The other yearns for the kingdom, it hungrily fasts for righteousness. It holds back nothing, pressing into the divine will with both integrity and brutal honesty. It boldly seeks the miraculous, interpreting the ebb and flow not with fanciful imaginings but with deep yearning for the Greatest Good. It seeks to listen and to be heard, to suffer and celebrate. It knows of submission. Though darkness surround, it echoes the chorus of the imprisoned apostle.
One will always retreat; the other will always fall forward.
The Word of Faith movement has had an odd bedfellow – me. Certainly we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I see little difference in that both have distorted the principles of faith. One alters orthodoxy, the other orthopraxy - yet both misrepresent the faith once for all handed down to the saints. Yes this was an overstatement, but the point stands: whether by spoken word or daily action, we need to carefully reflect upon our journey into faith.
Why was Josiah’s surgery postponed? I’m not sure, but one very probable reason might be that I learn to pray. I’ll confess. I’ve been saddened and tearful at the prospects facing Josiah. I’ve prayed daily for healing, but inwardly I’ve been entertaining doubt, figuring probability, and expecting God to work in minimal fashion. In effect, I’ve been secretly expecting the worst in order to be pleasantly surprisedbyanything else.
I haven’t been pressing into the divine will. Deliberate and sustained activity has been sporadic. I hadn't been fasting for God’s voice and direction regarding Josiah's healing. I hadn't been listening. I hadn't been disciplined to envision the radical, on and on it goes – my flesh dictating the possibilities that my spirit hopes to be true. All in all, my expression of faith during this season has been rather paltry. Heck, I didn’t even request a CT scan before the scheduled surgery just to see if something had changed.
Yes, I’m in the middle of learning a few things.
May God grant the faith to hope in His will rather than hide behind it. May God give me the courage to expect bold movements, to seek His power, and to submit to His goodness. As tears fall, God grant me the faith to see.
Grace and Peace.
The following are central passages that continue to be encoruaging, maddening, and all in all a comfort: Romans 5:1-8; Psalm 77:3-10; Matthew 5:6; Philippians 3:7-16; Luke 18:1-8; 2 Samuel 12:15-23; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10; I John 3:21-22; John 14:13-15; James 5:13-20; Matthew 26:36-46.
i can imagine it was only just the tiniest bit like being in labor and going to the hospital only to be told to go back home and come again another day...disappointing! just so you know, we are still thinking about you guys and praying for you as you journey through all of this. i don't claim to know about all that you are experiencing, but i wanted to encourage you to keep thinking and writing about the Truth. (philippians 4!!)
ReplyDeletehere's a song that has been uplifting to me in darker days. the video is kind of lame, but the song is nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9yNZ17j8Fg
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